Forgiveness...My Burden was Made Light

Life is such a gift. It provides endless opportunities to learn. Many times, the lessons are painful. But it is in such times, that one learns and grows. It is in such times that we turn to sources of truth and knowledge because we pray to be more wise next time. Humility becomes more natural. In any stage of life, it's so easy to become complacent in work, school, the gospel, and learning because all of these things take work. For many, work does not come naturally. For many, it is uncomfortable.  However, after a solid study this morning through scriptures, general conference talks, BYU addresses, secular books, and a very long conversation with my parents, I feel that I have made more growth for me as a person, than I have in a very long time. Fortunately and unfortunately, it is in time of trouble and betrayal that the hunger for truth and wisdom is lit within. The following is a summary of my study and growth within this past day.

I have only read the introduction and 1st chapter of this book, "How to Win Friends & Influence People," but I feel I am changed forever. In this blog post, I want to share quotes that have affected me the most:

Quotes to Live by:

• "Education is the ability to meet life's situations." John G. Hibben, p. xx
• "Compared to what we ought to be, we are only half awake. We are making use of only a small part of our physical and mental resources. Stating the thing broadly, the human individual thus lives far within his limits. He possesses powers of various sorts which he habitually fails to use." William James, p. xx
• "The great aim of education is not knowledge but action." Herbert Spencer, p. xxi
• "My popularity, my happiness and sense of worth depend to no small extent upon my skill in dealing people." p. xxiii
• "If you teach a man anything, he will never learn." Bernard Shaw p. xxiv
• "Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person's precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment." p. 5
• "As much as we thirst for approval, we dread condemnation." Hans Selye, p. 5
• "With malice toward none, with charity for all." Abraham Lincoln, p. 9
• "Don't criticize them [the confederates]; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances." Abraham Lincoln, p. 9
• "Don't complain about the snow on your neighbor's roof, when your own doorstep is unclean." Confucius, p. 12. 
• Change, regulate, and improve yourself--it is a lot more profitable and a lot less dangerous, p. 12
• "I will speak ill of no man...and speak all the good I know of everybody." Benjamin Franklin, p. 13
• "Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain--and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving." p. 13
• "A great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little men." Carlyle, p. 13
• "To know all is to forgive all." p. 16
• "Instead of condemning people, let's try to understand them. Let's try to figure out why they do what they do.  That's a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness." p. 16
• "God himself, sir, does not propose to judge man until the end of his days." Dr. Johnson, p. 16
• Why should I?

Personal Application:

•  Do you ask too much of your employees, your husband, yourself?? Unmet expectations are what cause frustration and anger. 

• Why do I not communicate my expectations, or get rid of unreasonable expectation? My quality of life and everyone else's quality of life would increase as well.
• Forgiveness: No one is getting away with anything...especially me.
• What others do maliciously to you is not about you--it's about them.
• The greatest revenge is to live a happy life and be successful, despite the opposition
• Holding onto a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the offending parties to die
• Take an outsider's look at yourself. How do others perceive you based upon how you look, act, speak, and carry yourself? Make changes.
• Give it to Christ. It's a choice to utilize the Atonement. He already knows the pain of betrayal and how you feel, so why should you continue to revel in the hurt?
• Intention does not matter as much as impact. Live your life in a way where you leave a more substantial impact more than just daydream about mere good intentions.

Elder Holland's "Lessons from Liberty Jail" -- Forgiveness when things aren't easy.

"Thirdly, and tonight lastly, may I remind us all that in the midst of these difficult feelings when one could justifiably be angry or reactionary or vengeful, wanting to return an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, the Lord reminds us from the Liberty Jail prison-temple that...

the rights of the priesthood are inseparably connected with the powers of heaven, and that the powers of heaven cannot be controlled nor handled only [or “except”] upon the principles of righteousness. [D&C 121:36]

Therefore, even when we face such distressing circumstances in our life and there is something in us that wants to strike out at God or man or friend or foe, we must remember that “no power or influence can or ought to be maintained [except] by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; . . . without hypocrisy, and without guile” (D&C 121:41–42; emphasis added).

It has always been a wonderful testimony to me of the Prophet Joseph’s greatness and the greatness of all of our prophets, including and especially the Savior of the world in His magnificence, that in the midst of such distress and difficulty they could remain calm and patient, charitable, and forgiving—that they could even talk that way, let alone live that way. But they could, and they did. They remembered their covenants, they disciplined themselves, and they knew that we must live the gospel at all times, not just when it is convenient and not just when things are going well. Indeed, they knew that the real test of our faith and our Christian discipleship is when things are not going smoothly. That is when we get to see what we’re made of and how strong our commitment to the gospel really is.

Surely the classic example of this is that in the most painful hours of the Crucifixion the Savior could say, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). That is a hard thing to ask when we’re hurting. That is a hard thing to do when we’ve been offended or are tired or stressed out or suffering innocently. But that is when Christian behavior may matter the most. Remember, “the powers of heaven cannot be controlled nor handled [except] upon the principles of righteousness.” And do we need the powers of heaven with us at such times! As Joseph was taught in this prison-temple, even in distress and sorrow we must “let [our] bowels . . . be full of charity towards all men . . .  ; then [and only then] shall [our] confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and . . . the Holy Ghost shall be [our] constant companion” (D&C 121:45–46).

Remaining true to our Christian principles is the only way divine influence can help us. The Spirit has a near-impossible task to get through to a heart that is filled with hate or anger or vengeance or self-pity. Those are all antithetical to the Spirit of the Lord. On the other hand, the Spirit finds instant access to a heart striving to be charitable and forgiving, long-suffering and kind—principles of true discipleship. What a testimony that gospel principles are to apply at all times and in all situations and that if we strive to remain faithful, the triumph of a Christian life can never be vanquished, no matter how grim the circumstance might be."

"The Healing Ointment of Forgiveness" by Elder Kevin Duncan: Don't be a victim TWICE!

"Even though we may be a victim once, we need not be a victim twice by carrying the burden of hate, bitterness, pain, resentment, or even revenge. We can forgive, and we can be free!

I am convinced that most of us want to forgive, but we find it very hard to do. When we have experienced an injustice, we may be quick to say, “That person did wrong. They deserve punishment. Where is the justice?” We mistakenly think that if we forgive, somehow justice will not be served and punishments will be avoided.

This simply is not the case. God will mete out a punishment that is fair, for mercy cannot rob justice (see Alma 42:25). God lovingly assures you and me: “Leave judgment alone with me, for it is mine and I will repay. [But let] peace be with you” (D&C 82:23). The Book of Mormon prophet Jacob also promised that God “will console you in your afflictions, and he will plead your cause, and send down justice upon those who seek your destruction” (Jacob 3:1).

As victims, if we are faithful, we can take great comfort in knowing that God will compensate us for every injustice we experience. Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin stated: “The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. … Every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude.”1

As we strive to forgive others, let us also try to remember that we are all growing spiritually, but we are all at different levels. While it is easy to observe the changes and growth in the physical body, it is difficult to see the growth in our spirits.

One key to forgiving others is to try to see them as God sees them. At times, God may part the curtain and bless us with the gift to see into the heart, soul, and spirit of another person who has offended us. This insight may even lead to an overwhelming love for that person....

Too often we look at the offender the way we would look at an iceberg—we see only the tip and not beneath the surface. We do not know all that is going on in a person’s life. We do not know their past; we do not know their struggles; we do not know the pains they carry. Brothers and sisters, please do not misunderstand. To forgive is not to condone. We do not rationalize bad behavior or allow others to mistreat us because of their struggles, pains, or weaknesses. But we can gain greater understanding and peace when we see with a broader perspective."

After the experiences I've had recently, I can say that I am at complete peace. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks of me. All that matters is what my God, my family, and myself think of me. If I always follow the gospel path, no one can take that peace from me. Christ is good. He takes our burdens when we decide to hand them to Him, for He will not take them from us without our consent.